i lie to my self

[xxtase]

I'm basically str8 but like to suck sometimes, and would place ads online for guys. By doing this I had my first experience of sucking a black man (I have to date sucked four) and, obviously, loved it. I absolutely cock worship them, spending a lot of time kissing and sucking their balls, as this gives pure pleasure, and swallow of course.

exacttly like me, i was alsmot straight but love worshiping BBC , actually Ir porn finished by turning me gay , i will explain, i was pure straight, then i start to watch porn, then big cocks, then i saw my first bbc on Ir porn , extremmly feels attrackted by how white girls seems be turned by those monsters, ,so i use to focus on the BBc then the hot girls..and then i start chatting on gay stuff, and i met my first bbc in a hotel,
my bbc want me in sissy mode, i love that, actually so naturel when i was young i masturbating by wearing women lingerie and fingring my self... now i know that hav a sens

first this tall black man open his pents....my goooshhh , it was my first time, but i suck him as a bitch queen, and he end up on my nipples, after that i didnt get touch with any other guy , i just be with my girlfriend , but still turned on bbc only , watching and masturbating exclusively on BBC porn..

then i was too excited and really need to be fucked hard, i wanted a bbc but i didn't find, and i was very very horney, one day i endup getting hardlly fucked and humiliated by a bear ( fat & hairy bears are my 2end fantasy ) and after that one year later again i suck a monster smelly black cock and drink all the jungle juice,

have few gay experience but almost with bbc, and my heterosexual life is lame, can"t be hard on my girlfriend, i didn't touch her pussy since 4 mothes !!! and only wanted to offer my ass to a big fat black man...and i keep telling my self ..no im not gay lol what a shittt !!

 

[humbleukwhtboi]

What you post xxtaze has more than the ring of truth about it - many white bois may feel uncomfortable but that does not alter reality. For me, I think the reality we face is pretty much driving us all in teh same direction because it seems true that more and more white males are being influenced by IR porn - certainly it is available easily now alongside more traditional, mainstream stuff. We all know what damage that can do! It is just how far along it takes you.

Frequent use of IR porn featuring Black Monster Cocks makes it inevitable that the focus of any whiteboi's attention is going to change for sure! It is a bit subtle at first, ‘cos looking at regular porn still somehow does not seem to be giving you what you want so you go back to IR and then bam! You realise that you need to see those superior Black Monster Cocks. Then you realise that you get “Humiliation Erections” from seeing how superior they are, and how inadequate you feel in comparison. Then next you find yourself just furiously beating off an HE, staring at the Black Monster Cock. That knocks you sideways - but it is too late, it is “game over” at that point. That means giving up pretending to be a man, and accepting that as a white boi you don’t compete and the best thing to do is accept your new status - and beat off every HE you get - and you can never get enough of them! Isn’t that the white boi dilemma now?

And from experience, my own and knowing of others, “You don't "come back" from such addiction”. I remember a few times naively thinking I could give it up - just one more look at some fave IR porn. I think I knew that would not work, but it is very emasculating to realise you are drive by HE instead of normal hard-ons.

And ashamed and embarrassed though I still am to admit it, I would have to think of IR porn situations that I obsessed about to get my boicock even to a semi state in the presence of a woman. That really brought it home to me how far I had gone. Now I confess my little boicock gets rubbed every day in acknowledgement of one aspect or another of Black Monster Cock superiority. It is a humiliatingly pathetic condition - but it is why I don't think it right to describe myself as a man anymore. In polite company I use the term “male” which seems to be ok and people do not notice I am avoiding the term “man”. But amongst those who understand, I always admit to being a boi and all that it means.

I suppose it is true that if "ordinary" people realised, they would either ridicule me or look down with contempt. It ought to make me embarrassed - and it does - but it gives me another HE! Pathetic or what?