Some years ago, when my wife and I were still able (we are now both not only quite "mature" but also disabled) to be very active in the IR scene, a black man contacted us offering to arrange for my wife to have sex as a prostitute. When he initially contacted us, we were both shocked at the suggestion that we would even consider this and I wrote him a rather imperious letter telling him, in effect, that my wife was "not that kind of woman": ie, a slut, but not a whore.
His suggestion, however, got us both to thinking. I had grown up in a neighborhood where a lot of hookers lived and, while I had never paid for the services of one (I was always too poor), I had always been turned on by how they dressed, etc. and, like a number of my friends when we were kids, had caught a few glimpses of a couple in action with their clients. And, for her part, my wife, like many women, had fantasized occasionally about being a prostitute--a high-priced call-girl to be specific ("like Belle de Jour").
The more we thought about it, the less outrageous the suggestion became. And, when the man contacted us again, in response to my letter, to explain his point of view, we began a rather long, protracted correspondence with him where we discussed not only the pros and cons of acting on his suggestion, but the practical aspects of the various ways that he might arrange things.
While I actually wrote our letters to him, my wife not only read everything that he wrote to us and told me what she wanted to ask and otherwise have me include in our letters to him, she also discussed the subject in detail with me at every step along the way.
While we were both very intrigued by the idea at that point, like your wife, my wife wasn't sure that she was ready to act on what had, by that point, become a very potent fantasy for both of us. The two main sticking points for us (in the era before AIDS became a major issue) were: 1.) the fact that this stranger, who we had never met in-person, required complete control over the situation and my wife's absolute obedience (something that, as a "wise-ass submissive" went against her basic nature); and, 2.) the fact that he wanted to arrange for her to whore "on the street" or in a public setting and that, despite his assurances, we were very concerned about her security--particularly the possibility of her getting arrested.
As he explained them, there were very good reasons for him to demand total control and my wife's absolute obedience. Since anything that he arranged for my wife to do in the public settings we discussed was likely to cut into the business of the local pimps, his arrangements would necessarily depend on what he could negotiate with them and also what they would tell him about police activity in the area, etc. As a result, his plans might have to be changed at the last minute. Additionally, since he would be responsible for my wife's security, should he see a dangerous situation arise that she might not be aware of, it could prove to be essential to her safety for her to immediately obey any instructions that he might give her without question. All of which made sense to us.
However, my wife still wasn't sure that she was ready or able to take that step at that point. Consequently, the man decided to stop corresponding with us--at least for the time being--since he was looking to find a white woman/couple who wanted to accept his offer (and didn't want to waste more time corresponding with us, a couple that wasn't ready to do so).
While that seemed to be the end of it for us, in practical terms, the idea continued to germinate, quietly, in both of our minds and became a fantasy that my wife and I played with from time to time. My wife already had plenty of sexy lingerie and provocative outfits, so it didn't take much for her to be able to dress up like a hooker to act out some of our fantasies. We had fun coming up with different scenarios in which I would play the "date" and she would play the "hooker"; including one time when I dropped her off two blocks away from one of the "tracks" near the West Side Highway in NYC, then drove around the block, "picked her up" (she actually had a pimp, a hooker and a "john" talk with her in the time it took me to circle the block!), and parked in a spot in the area where the actual hookers had their "dates" park so that she could give me a blowjob in the car just like the "girls" who were "working the street" that night.
But, that's as far as we thought it would go. At least that's as far as I thought it would ever go. Until...
My wife really got into doing gangbangs with multiple black men (only!) and we met a former professional basketball player who not only hooked us up with a couple of his friends, but helped us to get together groups of black men for gangbang parties (you wouldn't believe how difficult it was for us, at first, to meet black men who were willing to participate in a gangbang with other men and, then, get three or more of them to show up at the agreed time and place!). He was a terrific guy and quickly became one of my wife's favorite lovers (while my wife got together, individually, with the black men that participated in our gangbang parties occasionally, he was one of three black men that she made sure that she got together with regularly, even on weeknights, every month).
Coaching and still playing in a couple of the many basketball leagues in NYC, as well as working in a large institution in the city, he knew a TON of black men and had a number of good friends. And he introduced us to some--including a few who were more than happy to have sex with a married white woman; alone, along with him, or as part of a group at a gangbang party.
That was fine with us--in fact it was more than "fine", it was GREAT. Until, while talking with a couple of the guys at one gangbang party that he had arranged after he had left, my wife was told that he had charged all of the guys $100 apiece to come to the party. When the rest of the guys confirmed that they had all paid him to come to the party--in short, to have sex with my wife--I was shocked.
My wife was utterly incensed. She was absolutely furious!
But, not because her black lover had been whoring her out...but, rather, because he had not TOLD her that this was what he wanted to do or was doing!
"If I'm going to be a whore, I want to know that I am being a whore! I want to BE a whore!", she exclaimed (this was actually the first thing that she said to me about it), "If the guys who are fucking me have paid to fuck me, I want to know that they have paid to fuck me!"
For my wife--and I think probably for any other woman--having sex for money; having sex with a man who has paid specifically to have sex with her, whether she knows that he has done so or not; is an extremely significant social line to cross--emotionally and psychologically. Particularly it is or could be a matter of choice and isn't something that she is f...d to do against her will or by her circumstances. When she crosses that line, her self-image and that of the people around her, both men and women, can change radically. And that was a matter of concern for my wife at that point.
Having had an ample opportunity to consider how she would feel about "becoming a whore" and how she would see herself as a whore and feel about being a whore thanks to our correspondence with the black man who had wanted to whore her out previously and our discussions with one another about that correspondence, my wife was emotionally and psychologically ready to be a whore when she found out that her lover had been whoring her out. By that point, she had mulled over the possibilities and the idea of actually being a whore was not only a turn on for her, but something that she was internally comfortable with doing.
Her main concern was how I would react. I don't know if she was afraid that I would love her less or think less of her or what, but, whatever her fears or concerns might have been, according to her, I reacted "perfectly". I'm not sure that I can tell you exactly what that means, but what I can tell you is that, in one respect, it didn't change anything: she was still the same person that I liked and loved so much that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. But, in another regard, it made her even greater in my eyes: more courageous, more exciting, even more of a turn on. Additionally, while I'm not sure that I can explain it properly in words, I understood and shared her anger about not being told by her lover what he was doing.
I don't know if it makes any sense. Or, if I can explain it in anything less than a fairly long correspondence, but one of the central issues that we had discussed in our correspondence with the black man who had originally wanted to whore out my wife had been the importance of the difference between "being" and "becoming": being a whore (ie. "I am a whore") is and feels different emotionally and psychologically than becoming a whore (ie "I am about to do something where, as I am doing it, I am going to become a whore"). The internal tension that a woman experiences--that her husband observes her experiencing and also experiences in his own way--which feeds into the sexual excitement that she (and her husband also) feels is different. Which makes the turn-on that she (they) experience different as well.
To my wife's way of thinking, because she had had sex with men who had paid her lover to have sex with her, knowingly or unknowingly, she was a whore at that point. In having sex with them, then, she was "being a whore. However, because she did not find out that the black men at that party (and possibly others before it) had paid to have sex with her until after she had had sex with them, she had not been allowed to have the experience of "becoming a whore".
While she rather liked the fact that she was now a whore--and I did, too, being a whore can be a two-edged sword: not only is it not something that a woman--especially a professional woman like my wife--would necessarily want certain people to know, the fact that a woman is or has been a whore can change how some of the people who know it, including some of her lovers, will view and treat her after learning about this (one of my wife's three regular lovers stopped seeing her shortly after he found out about what had been going on). And a woman never really knows how someone will act, view or treat her once that person learns that she is a whore. So, there's a lot of uncertainty and fear mixed with the excitement that goes into "being a whore".
"Becoming a whore", crossing the line from "I may be a slut, but I'm not a whore--I don't do THAT!" to "I am a whore, I will fuck in exchange for cash", is an entirely different experience. While there is some uncertainty about what it will be like and whether she will be able to actually go through with it, once a woman decides to cross that line, anticipation adds to her excitement and arousal. Knowing that she is crossing that line is key to that anticipation. If "becoming a whore" is entirely something that she chooses to do and is something that she wants to do (for a married couple, it MUST be her choice and her choice alone!!!!!), the experience itself--that first time that she knowingly has sex with a man that she knows has paid (her, her husband or someone else) a set amount specifically to have sex with her--can be an intensely positive experience, emotionally and sexually, for her (as well as for her husband, if he allows it to be for himself).
My wife's anger and frustration--which I shared with her--was that her lover had deprived her of the enjoyment and pleasure that she felt that she would have experienced from knowingly "becoming a whore" by not telling her that he was making his friends pay to come to the gangbang party and have sex with her. She was not at all upset at that point about having sex for money (with men who had paid to have sex with her)--about "being a whore".
By then, she was emotionally and psychologically ready to be a whore and had to admit that she really want to be a whore. Moreover, she not only wanted to be a whore, she wanted to be a black man's whore: she wanted to have a black man that she could trust whore her out to other black men.
But, there were certain things that also wanted as well. One was to know when she was having sex with a black man for money (regardless of who got paid)--especially the next time it happened: while she might already be a whore at that point, to my wife's way of thinking, the first time that she had sex with a "date" knowing that he had paid to have sex with her, for her, she would be "becoming a whore" at that point.
The second was to know that she would be a safe as possible: that her black man would make every reasonable effort to make sure that she would not be physically harmed by any of the men that he arranged for her to have sex with and that every precaution would be taken (by the three of us) to minimize the risk of arrest or legal complications. No set of precautions are fool-proof and there are always risks, no matter how careful one tries to be, especially when engaging in risky behavior, but she wanted to know that the three of us would work together to make every reasonable effort to protect her.
And, lastly, she wanted a portion of the take: not the whole amount, but not a pimp who would take everything that her "dates" paid to have sex with her and leave her with nothing. She would not object to giving him half or even more, so long as she would get a big enough percentage that she could pay for her expenses, clothes, etc. and still have a small token left over (mainly to remember her "dates" by).
Her black lover who had been whoring her out behind her back could have been the ideal man to fill this role for her. But, he was so freaked out--either by having been caught, by her anger at him for not telling her what he was doing, or by her willingness to have him whore her out openly and regularly--that he literally disappeared (he took a leave of absence from his job and went to Atlanta for 6 months!) and didn't get back in touch with us for almost a year. And, shortly after that, we lost contact with him entirely.
Too bad. Because, having crossed that line in her own mind, at that point my wife was determined to find a black man who would be willing to arrange for her to have sex with other black men who would pay to have sex with her. And, I was just as determined to find some way for her to be able to do that.
Eventually, we ended up coming up with two solutions. Unfortunately, both involved men and groups of men from out of town.
In one case, the organizer of a group of black men in another city that we had gotten together with several times before agreed to help us satisfy my wife's desire to "become a whore" by arranging for her to be "the entertainment" at a gangbang party where all of the guys in attendance would be paying to be there and to have sex with her. The total amount that the guys paid was enough to not only cover the costs of our transportation, the hotel, food and beverages, but also for there to be enough leftover after that for my wife to be given a small, but not insignificant, token amount to "remember her first real experience as a whore" and for the organizer to be able to keep a similar amount as a remembrance of his first time "pimping out a white woman".
Because my wife trusted the organizer and already knew and had enjoyed being with most of the black guys who attended the party, she had a fantastic time (and so did I). While it really wasn't all that different from the previous times that the group had gotten together to gangbang her, there were a couple of subtle differences that night that were significant. Because the guys had paid to have sex with her, they were a lot freer and more demanding sexually than they had been previously--they were no longer concerned about whether they would hurt her feelings or do something that she didn't like. And my wife was and acknowledged that she was a lot freer with them as well: this time she was there not as a wife or a swinger or even a slut, she was there as a whore and if she acted like a whore, so what, that's what a whore is supposed to do.
It was a lot of fun. And, we still have a couple of the bills that she was given by the organizer when the party was over pressed in a photo album as a token of that night.
